DavidMerrill.
So how in my life I became that way, and don’t even realize it.
But I know I have a time when I have to come back home.
To me I know a peace exist deep within me, I keep forgetting about.
I clearly know the peace is within me. I am working on it.
Now that I know there is a peace within me I am trying to take the
Necessary steps to go within me (meditation).
I know problems exist in this world, in the IRS, the chase bank, and the people that work there.
I know problems exist within me also and as well as in yourself.
The only difference is the people who keep working on it.
You know I have been this way(what you call confrontational) without even being aware I am that way at times
But I have also realized there are many places to learn about war (confortational , growing up that way)
But how many places are there to teach peace in this world? To teach you the right way?
Sometimes when I get into a dispute I sometimes lose my peace, lose consciousness and become unconscious and fight a war.
That happens when you lack fulfillment. Being a human being it happens to me a lot , can you imagine how it happens to one’s that don’t even try to find that fulfillment?
And as I have grown older, my desire has not changed; I just haven’t quite yet practice enough to stay in the feeling of my heart. It’s like when I first learned to ride a bicycle. Learning to pedal and looking where I was going at the same time. When you look forward you stop peddling, you concentrate on the peddling you end up crashing somewhere. Experience is that way, when I practice more going inside I experience that peace more. I am making effort and still learning, I have a long way to go. The key for me is not to stop trying. Yes things ingrained in me since my youth are still there at times. And if you can see it, I thank you for bringing it to my attention. But like I said , I have been taught only war for so long , I have to try to find the peace within me .
I want to have that contentment in my life, not because it written somewhere, but because I have felt it, and I like it and I want to go back to it.
It isn’t a question that I fall, but to get up again, that the objective.
I felt that t deep within inside of me so powerful I want to go back. I want to go back to my wonderful garden. It’s just that man upstairs has to remind me. I just hope that he will always remind me, because the day he stops it’s over for me.
David I know when you are coming from, I hope I do. I was brought up in a different world than you. It made me the way I am. It’s now as easy for me to do what you are telling me to do. (do you have any idea what PTSD is?)
Sometimes Instead of looking inward, I start looking outwards, and lose sight of my heart, but not the one that pumps blood. When then happens that is when you are lost, and if you are very, very lucky it is grace that brings you back. When I am in that conscience place, things happen.
The letter you want me to write, I might change it some. Remember I am a different human being. If you came to my world, where “machismo” is a part of life you would properly understand me a bit more. I am not saying it rights, just saying some things are hard to get out of your system.
Thank you for your help David. Franco